Giving up Control

Vaginismus and control issues

As a result of long term pain with attempted intercourse it is little wonder that my treated vaginismus patients are not Giving Up Controlwilling to try different things. Add to this continued fear and anxiety and my patients are practically “paralyzed” in their robotic approach to dilation and sexual encounters. As I review the daily logs, I see the same descriptions over and over again describing dilation and intercourse.

Giving up control is not easy. When you have suffered through innumerable painful experiences control becomes an important defense mechanism. Here are some definitions of control:

  1. to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate; command.
  2. to hold in check; curb: to control a horse; to control one’s emotions.

What to do?

During the post procedure counseling we discuss the importance of Sensate Focus Exercises to learn what type of touch is desirable and what is not OK. If not familiar with this valuable exercise view the professional films by This will give the two of you greater confidence in exploring a variety of “safe” loving bonding experienceLelo Liv Vibrating Dilator in lime green used after treatment of vaginismuss.

Try a variety of “sexy” positions having your honey insert the dilator. Use the smaller dilators for this so as not to get scared with the larger ones. Use your imagination as to what would be erotic and sexy. Our new Liv vibrating dildo (made by Lelo company) is perfect for this because it is thinner and the vibrations are gentle yet still erotic. Think the “insane” and “over the top”. This is so hard to do, but so valuable in making the progress that will allow you to feel like a complete woman.

Visit the Forum and do a search for “control” A number of posts come up. Heather wrote “For him, he was so happy and shocked to see that something was inside of me pain-free and it helped him to know that he would no longer cause me pain with our attempts at intercourse. It also just felt so, so good to work as a team to overcome this problem that I had thought was solely mine to fix for so long.”

There are many more ways of introducing variety. Try “dress up”, use the shower/bath to dilate and have fun, watch a sexy movie while dilating, use a different part of your home, go outside and get private. Try different positions. It is endless what can be fun and every step of the way you will find the control issues melting away. It takes time, do not be discouraged, but do experiment. If you think of something that would be helpful to others please post on the Forum. We all have imagination and can help each other.

If you have any questions about our Botox treatment for vaginismus and progressive dilation under anesthesia, please contact us via our contact us form.

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About Dr. Pacik

Peter Pacik, MD, FACS is a recognized pioneer in treating patients with Botox for vaginismus and the author of When Sex Seems Impossible: Stories of Vaginismus and How You Can Achieve Intimacy. He has been in practice for over thirty years and belongs to a small group of prestigious surgeons who are double board certified by both the American Board of Surgery and the American Board of Plastic Surgery. In 2010, Dr. Pacik received FDA approval to continue his study to treat vaginismus using intravaginal injections of Botox together with progressive dilation under anesthesia.
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