The goal of not only achieving intercourse, but having a wonderful sexual relationship is a difficult journey for most vaginismus patients. Painful sex is a drag, no sex is even worse. Most of my patients who are treated with the Botox program for vaginismus are undeveloped sexually. Little wonder. How do you gain experience if you can’t do it?
Of interest is that I get two types of “success” stories. The first is when they have had penile penetration, and this is monumental for most of my patients, the second is when they have had “sex”. Both types of emails are filled with joy and disbelief. As a tabulate my data, I count painless intercourse as an important end point in the successful treatment of vaginismus (dilation to the larger dilators for those who are single). Yet my patients make an important distinction noting that the physical (penetration) is different than the spiritual (great sex).
So what is great sex? For some it is the orgasm of either partner. For others it is the joy of feeling good even if there is no orgasm. Others equate successful sex with pregnancy. Yet others feel that unless both partners climax at the same time, it is not entirely successful. Such a wide range of emotions.
There is no reason we need to limit ourselves. Every day is different, but every time we are involved with our partner it is a moment to celebrate the union of two souls. We need to start thinking out of the restrictive box of what should be, and simply enjoy our natural feelings and to be grateful that we can fulfill this part of ourselves. Making love can be as simple as hugs and kisses before falling asleep. It can be dance. It can be as simple as doing the dishes together.
Simultaneous orgasm is actually fairly rare. It is wonderful when it happens, but should not be a goal. It will limit us too much. Vaginal orgasm is accomplished by only 30% of women, and this too is not a definition of good sex.
We need to widen our range of perception. We need to embrace the qualities of our chosen ones and in the process grow together. We need to constantly re-invent ourselves so that we can grow together, and in the process have great “everything”!
Nancy, with a seven year history of vaginismus writes:
“Took a day off from office today. I dilated with blue for two hours and then we had sex.. not just penetration!!! but SEX… Paul actually ejaculated inside me.. he had tears in his eyes after he did that.. and I was teasing him.. that is he going to cry every time we have sex :))).. it is so monumental for us.. and the best thing was that he thrusted this time (without taking it out fully) and it wasn’t hurting me at all.. totally painless and I was liking the rhythm.. thank you so much, Dr. Pacik.. you’ve helped us beyond our words can convey……..you’ve made our life worth living… thank you so much.. the only thing is, we both have to go to work again tomorrow :)
If you have any questions about our Botox treatment for vaginismus and progressive dilation under anesthesia, please contact us via our contact us form.