Sharing my story of vaginismus with sexual healthcare workers

Sharing my story of vaginismus with sexual healthcare workers

By Rachel (also known as Kazia Gray)

On November 1st 2013, I gave my first live presentation on living with vaginismus. I packed my bag with the PowerPoint presentations, numerous resources on vaginismus, and real-life case studies of women living with vaginismus. Then, as I walked towards the bus stop to catch my bus to the sexual health clinic, I asked myself the question: “why on earth are you doing this! This is stupid!”

Once again, I had found myself taking a journey to a health care professional to share about one of the darkest and most embarrassing moments of my life. Once again, I was making myself vulnerable and sharing my story of living with vaginismus. However, this time was different. This time, I was not asking them to help me overcome vaginismus – I was asking them to acknowledge the many women around the world that are still suffering in silence.

When I came around to presenting my PowerPoint, I thought that I would find it difficult to talk openly about this horrific condition. I was wrong. It turned out that I had a lot to say on the matter, and what amazed me most, was that professionals were actually interested in hearing what I had to share. They asked many questions and there were many discussions. Many of them confessed that they did not know where to send women for help and some even confessed that they didn’t even know what vaginismus was, although they were willing to learn.

At the beginning of the session we watched a video call “Stop it”, which I think gets the point across, that women suffering with vaginismus cannot just, “stop it.” Take a moment to watch this video.

Talking openly with professionals enabled me to clearly see that vaginismus is still a condition that is not widely known or accepted by professionals. Last week, a lady who is still struggling with vaginismus shared with me that her gynecologist told her that vaginismus did not exist! Her only words to a woman that had mustered up enough bravery to confide in her gynecologist, was that vaginismus was only a condition that women in the west suffered with! That woman had shared her most shameful secret in a quest for help, only to be shot down by an insensitive, uneducated professional that should know better. This is only one of the many professionals who are still uneducated about this serious and debilitating condition, and their insensitivity is causing women to continue to live with vaginismus in silence and shame.

Next week I am meeting with someone from the church of Pentecost to once again share my story of vaginismus. I will not give up. People need to accept that this condition does exist and that many women are still being left to deal with their crisis alone. If you would like to educate people about vaginismus, you are welcome to use my presentation. Start talking to any professional that you meet and educate them about your condition. You have nothing to be ashamed of, and they need you to open up and share your experiences of living with vaginismus. After all, as victims of vaginismus, we truly are the experts in this field.

About Rachel (Kazia Gray)

Kazia Gray composed the music video Alone AnymoreRachel struggled with vaginismus, unable to achieve intercourse for 12 years despite years of numerous failed treatments. In 2010, Rachel and her husband, David, made a long journey that took them from Vancouver, British Columbia, to Manchester, NH.They were motivated and dedicated to succeed. In just six days after her Botox treatment she wrote me an email of tip success! Her progress continued despite her 12 hour shifts. By two weeks she was able to fully consummate.

Rachel and David have written their stories for Dr. Pacik’s plastic surgery website where additional information on vaginismus can be found. There are also many stories from other patients on this website. To read Rachel’s and David’s stories, please click on the links below:

Rachel (Kazia Gray) is also a song writer, singer and a blogger. Dr. Pacik featured Rachel in a blog on his Vaginismus MD website titled Song of Vaginismus by Kazia Gray – Music Video “Alone Anymore”.

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About Dr. Pacik

Peter Pacik, MD, FACS is a recognized pioneer in treating patients with Botox for vaginismus and the author of When Sex Seems Impossible: Stories of Vaginismus and How You Can Achieve Intimacy. He has been in practice for over thirty years and belongs to a small group of prestigious surgeons who are double board certified by both the American Board of Surgery and the American Board of Plastic Surgery. In 2010, Dr. Pacik received FDA approval to continue his study to treat vaginismus using intravaginal injections of Botox together with progressive dilation under anesthesia.
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