Allie’s Struggle with Vaginismus
Vaginismus put me in a dark place. I felt this awful feeling in my gut that wouldn’t go away.
What was wrong with me? Why me? Why had this happened to me, the one who had supposedly done everything right by waiting to have sex until after marriage?
My self-esteem plummeted. I didn’t feel sexy or spontaneous anymore. I couldn’t do the one thing everyone wants to do and talks about being the most incredible thing ever. I couldn’t do it. My body wouldn’t let me. Why? Who was I supposed to talk to about this? What would people think? I was terrified to discuss it with anyone who knew me because I didn’t want it to define me. I didn’t want my friend or my sister to look at me and think she’s not a real woman; she can’t have sex. Or it’s all in her head; why doesn’t she just buck up and do it? Because my body wouldn’t let me.
Vaginismus is a protective reflex. And as much as I reminded myself of this, I still blamed myself. I felt so stupid. So alone. I cried almost everyday. Crying was actually the only way I felt I could release the pain and stress that I was feeling. I would stand in the shower where the running water would drown out my crying and I would just sob.
When I read Dr. Pacik’s book, I caught a glimpse of real hope. There was a solution. There were other women in the world that were having and had had the same feelings I did. The same struggle. There were people who could help. When you have vaginismus, you think nothing will help you. You think you’re a hopeless case, but you’re not; you can be cured. You just have to set your mind to do so and get the help you need. That help is here.
(Allie, a 22 year old, married and aware of her vaginismus for only six months was treated with the Botox program for vaginismus. She was a severe form of vaginismus with no ability for any penetration at all. She and her husband were highly motivated and they achieved full pain free intercourse in two weeks. The continued to do very well after treatment.)