For 22 years, I suffered in silence. I was deathly afraid of any form of vaginal penetration. I was not able to insert a Q-tip in my vagina much less a tampon. I trembled at the thought of a gynecological exam and over the years I became extremely depressed by the reality of never becoming a real woman because I couldn’t have sex. Sex seemed impossible. I had no idea why this was happening especially since I had a very high libido. I would ask myself questions like “Is something wrong with my anatomy?” “Do I not like men enough?” “Am I just destined to be a virgin?” “Intercourse seems like such as simple concept, what is wrong with me?”
I tried many treatments and then just gave up
After years of thinking that I was just a freak of nature, I decided to seek out the assistance of a sex therapist. The first one I consulted with was very nice but had no idea how to deal with what I described I was experiencing. She referred me to a kind woman who referred me to a doctor in another city. That doctor misdiagnosed me. He thought that I had Vulvodynia and that I needed to separate my clitoral foreskin in order for me to be aroused. His thought was I then would be able to have intercourse. I agreed to have the procedure but it did not work at all. Frustrated and even more depressed, I found another counselor who listened and was more aware of my condition. She prescribed dilators but I had anxiety and a great fear of penetration so I couldn’t use them. I ended up putting them in a drawer and never went back to see her. Finally out of desperation, I tried hypnosis. My sessions would simply put me to sleep because the therapist was boring and clueless. I gave up.
Finally a Name for My Condition – Vaginismus!
Vaginismus was a term that I learned about from my boyfriend seven months ago. While at a conference, he decided to go to his room and take a nap in between sessions. He was channel surfing before drifting off and happened upon the Tyra Banks show. The female guests on the show described exactly what I had been experiencing and my boyfriend could identify with their mates recount. He called me and said “I think I know what you have! It’s Vaginismus!” I immediately Googled the word and read about the condition. After further research, I learned about Dr. Pacik and his commitment to giving vaginismus a voice (as most women are too embarrassed to talk about it) as well as his ground breaking program approach to cure and restoration.
Dr. Pacik and his Botox Program for Vaginismus
I contacted Dr. Pacik’s office by email and the next day I received a call from one of his fabulous staff members. She gave me an overview of the procedure and told me that Dr. Pacik would contact me soon. Dr. Pacik contacted me by email the next day and sent me a survey to complete. After completing the survey, he called me personally to discuss what he analyzed from my results. I was sold! I had finally found someone who understood my pain and could help me. I scheduled an appointment, to get the procedure, made flight and hotel arrangements and then waited for what seemed to be the longest six months of my life!
My boyfriend and I flew New Hampshire as the big day finally came! As we entered the clinic, I was a ball of nerves. I was so anxious that I couldn’t stop crying. My boyfriend, Dr. Pacik and all of his staff were all so reassuring. Although I wasn’t able to calm myself down, I felt supported. After changing into my hospital gown and slippers, I was given a sedative to ease my nerves. There were two other women who were getting the procedure that day as well so I was second in line. When the woman before me came back to the recovery room, I heard her say through the curtain, “The big one is in there?” She seemed just fine so that was a relief to me. It was now my turn and I was escorted to the surgical room. I climbed on the table and only remember Dr. Pacik very gently pressing a Q-tip on my pelvic area.
Success with the Largest Dilator
When I woke up I had the largest dilator inserted in my vagina without any pain! Incredible! During the rest of the next and day following, my boyfriend I received dilating assistance, counseling, practical tips about intimacy and a mock gynecological exam. The process was extremely educational and powerful.
Postscript from Dr. Pacik
Tabia was able to use the large dilators by 4 days and had pain-free intercourse at 2 weeks. At this writing, Tabia is almost 5 months post procedure and she continues to do very well.