This is a continuation of Rae’s story “Don’t Give Up!”
Rae did decide to go ahead with the Botox Treatment Program for her vaginismus. When I first evaluated Rae in my office, she was a nervous wreck.
“I was very nervous, shaking, and my muscles were going into spasm, uncontrollably. Before the Botox procedure (in surgery) I had one of my classic subconscious freak-outs where I jumped back on the table in order to not be touched.”
A difficult time in the operating room
The combination of severe anxiety despite sedation and a very tight vaginal canal made it nearly impossible for me to do a finger examination.
“After I had the anesthesia and was lying in surgery I was still freaking out, but everyone in the room was so incredibly nice and understanding (including my husband). My husband told me that the anesthesiologist had to further sedate me in order to proceed so the doctor could insert a finger to find out which muscles were in spasm. My husband and Dr. Pacik told me afterward that even when I was unconscious I was still trying to resist any insertion and trying to pull myself away from them on the table. Funny thing is, I do not remember any of that! To tell you the truth, it kind of made me feel better in a way because that proved to my husband and me that I was not just “faking” it and it wasn’t just an issue that I made up; I wasn’t crazy anymore!!! :) I still laugh about my attempted escape… :)”
Continued difficulties post procedure
“After the procedure I woke-up with the large blue dilator in. I was so happy that it was actually inserted that I did not have any time to freak out. Post procedure it was very difficult for me to dilate (I never ended up being able to get the blue dilator back in the day of surgery after I took it out to use the restroom).
Dr. Pacik said that I had one of the worst cases of primary vaginismus that he had ever seen; he rated me a 5++ LOL. As a matter of fact, he stated that they could create a 6th level for the severity of vaginismus that I had, but I wasn’t discouraged. I was VERY determined. Post procedure, Dr. Pacik said that my muscles were still in spasm (Botox takes a few days, four days I think but it took about 5 or 6 days for the Botox to overcome my spastic muscles).
Working with Ellen, I somehow managed to fit the purple in and eventually the pink on the same day as my surgery with my muscles still clamping. I ended up going home that night and sleeping with the purple dilator in (I took Tylenol PM and slept all the way through the night). BTW, definitely bring the donut pillow. Those New Hampshire roads have a lot of bumps even if your driver is paying attention!”
Day 2 still struggling but able to overcome
Rae was a fighter. She still had difficulty dilating to the large dilators but was determined. Through a flood of tears she would not give up trying, even long after the other patients had left the recovery room.
“I came back the next day and was able to insert the purple and pink dilators with some effort and was never able to insert the blue dilator at the surgi-center due to the Botox not kicking in, but again . . . I was determined. On the third day, after many tears and failed efforts, I got that blue dilator in! :):):) It is all about moving at your own pace and doing what you feel comfortable with.”
Finally Success!
“Every day after the third day I was able to insert all the dilators. On the two-week post-procedure date my husband and I were finally able to consummate our marriage (and his penis is bigger than the largest dilator). A day after our first success, we were already moving forward with thrusting!!!! My husband and I continue to progress in our love making. I have even been successful in love making without dilating first!
I think that it is important to continue dilating after achieving intercourse so that your muscles can continue to expand and get used to an object being inserted before the Botox wears off (plus it helps to break that neurological connection with being scared and nervous). I have good days and bad days but I am always able to dilate because I do not give-up.
I swore that I was going to be that one person that the procedure was not going to work for… LOL. If I can do it… So can you!!! Oh, and today was my first time EVER wearing a tampon… So if that has not happened for you yet, you can look forward to that as well… MAGNIFICIENT!!! :):):):):) Let me know how you do…. Best of luck!!!! They will be good to you. No worries!” — Rae
Postscript from Dr. Pacik
This is certainly not the norm. Most patients have a much easier time advancing with the dilators and progressing towards intercourse. This is the type of patient who could have easily struggled with vaginismus for the rest of her life. Yet between her determination and the Botox and dilators making it impossible for the muscles to go into spasm, she was victorious. Success at two weeks is excellent for any treated patient. It was especially monumental for her.
If you have any questions about our Botox treatment for vaginismus and progressive dilation under anesthesia, please contact us via our contact us form.